If you think you are going to spend the rest of your life alone, think again. Experts share the top five reasons you can’t find love, and how to overcome them.
Love is one of the most lovely and miraculous feelings you may ever have. Being in love is an incredible experience that has inspired innumerable songs, poems, and famous works of literature. In fact, it frequently feels as if the entire universe revolves around love itself. Even with online dating at our fingertips, it isn’t always as easy as the movies make it appear.
But sometimes it feels like the more you try, the more away you are from finding love, and you wonder…
"What are the reasons you can't find love"
A relationship expert, Roxy Zarrabi, advises that changing a dating pattern starts with identifying the problem. If love hasn’t come your way yet, there are many reasons why it can and should.
See what you can do to break the pattern.
1. You're Picking Unavailable People
How would you define the persons you’ve dated in the past? “You may be subconsciously drawn to unavailable partners if you want a long-term relationship but don’t get it,” adds Zarrabi. That is, you may not have discovered love because you are choosing to be with individuals who cannot honestly give you what you need and deserve.
If you seek a long-term relationship but constantly find yourself drawn to unavailable companions, you may subconsciously pull to them.
You might be lured to single men or women who want a fling or want to be friends with benefits. You’re choosing to be with people who aren’t searching for a long-term relationship, which is self-sabotage.
If finding love is significant to you, Zarrabi advises establishing a list of previous relationships’ red flags that indicated they were emotionally unavailable. Review the list frequently, especially when dating new people, and look for the symptoms.
She also advocates assessing your own attachment style and the attachment styles of potential partners to better understand how and why you keep making the same mistakes. Self-awareness can help you find someone who shares your values and boost your chances of falling in love.
2. You're Afraid of Getting Hurt
Breakups are painful, and if you’ve been mistreated or misled in the past, it’s challenging to start over and trust someone new. Intimacy, loss of self in the connection, or being injured are all possible fears, according to Zarrabi.
But to find true love, you must be vulnerable again, as this is the only way to form a deep and personal connection. You will never discover love if you build walls, keep your spouse at a distance, and refuse to let them come near you. To find love, you have to risk being hurt, and even if it’s difficult to trust someone with your heart again, it’s worth it.
If you’re having trouble letting go of these emotions, look ahead instead of back. “There is no such thing as false hope when moving forward,” explains psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D. “However, it’s crucial to remember that you are still in charge of your relationship’s future.”
3. You Don't Think You Deserve It
In love, confidence and self-esteem are crucial. But many people cannot find love because they believe they are unworthy. These beliefs can significantly impact our lives and typically have origins in early infancy.
Self-esteem issues and feelings of insecurity might affect your conduct and keep people at a distance. The key to deprogramming these ideas is to bring them into conscious consciousness and practice affirmations that contradict them, says Zarrabi. Recital: You are worth it. It can be good to talk about these sentiments with a therapist or counselor.
Bringing these thoughts and feelings into conscious awareness and practicing counter-affirmations might help decode these beliefs.
It’s not easy, but by focusing on the positives in your life rather than the drawbacks, you’ll be able to understand that you’re a unique individual who deserves happiness and love. “Know your worth!” says Bernstein. To find a healthy mate, you need to be determined to find someone who accepts and values your uniqueness. Others will be drawn to your happy energy and positive vibes, and love will be more likely to come your way.
4. You're Settling
Setting high standards for yourself in a romantic relationship is critical. Rather than staying with someone because you’re terrified of being alone or because you’ve been together for a long time, you should be with someone because they make you happy. Love will not come your way if you choose to be with your partner for the wrong reasons, such as money, convenience, or lack of other possibilities. To find true love, you must prioritize finding someone who shares your ideals, values, and life goals.
Nobody should change for you. While people sometimes surprise us, Bernstein reminds us that what you see is what you get. “Don’t expect someone you like to be more like you want them to be.” Waiting on someone to change for the better will usually lead to disappointment.
That’s not to say you should have a checklist for a potential mate. In fact, being open to people who aren’t “your type” may lead to more success, especially if you’ve had bad luck with partners in the past. Ignore someone if you don’t immediately feel a connection, especially if you’ve been burned before. “Try to keep an open mind and go on a few dates with this individual to see whether there is potential for a true connection,” she advises. The best match isn’t always the one you expect.
5. You're Not Putting Yourself Out There
From an early age, we’re told that love will fall from the sky and we’ll recognize it when it does. It’s not true for most of us. Love is hard labor. Remember, it’s a numbers game. Less shy people are more likely to discover love than more outgoing people. Conversely, going to the same pubs every weekend, not using dating apps, and not aggressively seeking out new people reduce your chances of meeting someone interesting.
By mixing up your routine and putting yourself out there in different ways, you might increase your chances of meeting someone special. You’re one step closer to finding love when you prioritize dating and trying new things.
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